Still Not Enough Rice Pudding

Constitution, willpower, finances, immune system.

All of these have taken a considerable battering following a most joyously raucous weekend beside the cold North Wales seaside celebrating SCIENCE!! FICTION!!!!. Yes, it was the SFX Weekender. And yes it was two weekends ago...

We travelled on Thursday to make the pre-Party. Having decided to not be such a girl about these things, I packed light (only 4 pairs of DMs - 5 pairs of shoes if you count the wellies). This was to make room in the car for the fishing rods, lures, catch bucket and car picnic. The car picnic is still evident on the floor of the car (M&S sandwiches - reduced to £1.50).

We took the opportunity of being by the sea to practice a bit of casting out for mackerel. We didn't stand a chance of catching any. It's February - cod time. Hadn't got the right bait though. N didn't catch anything either. Not even a cold... he'd already got one. I did manage to fall over and whilst I was not hurt I was shocked quite badly, so much of my time on the beach was trying to climb down the rocks using legs shaking like a Yorkshire Terrier wielding a pneumatic drill.

With sloshing wellies we went to Pontins reception slightly early to check in, which is how we managed to only be there for 25 minutes or so. Good job, or we might be missing a few toes to frostbite.

Checked into chalet. Fine. Things worked. We poured our wellies into the available bucket.

This was when we discovered how lightly we had packed. Neil had no other trousers, so we had to dry his jeans out for hours by the radiator before we could go anywhere. Sam and Paul came round and we broke open the alcohol... Del and Kim were still en route, so we'd had a few by the time they got there. It was just like being a student! Suitably lubricated, we went out to find the pub. N put his jeans back on first.

So Thursday night was all about the booze... but with Dutch courage on my side I volunteered to perform comedy during Lee Harris's 'Ready Steady Flash' panel, which he was hosting on Saturday to help occupy the audience while the panellists were writing. In the end I decided that a set more leaning towards comedy poetry might be condusive to the writerly atmosphere of a flash fiction workshop.

It was a very fun panel, with the stories provided by Paul Cornell, Juliette E McKenna, Tony Lee (also a very funny poet as it turned out) and Stacia Kane. I enjoyed doing my bit too... and my could it have been one of my biggest crowds to date? I daresay... there were quite a lot of people there for the whole workshop, but a few more sneaked in halfway through to grab seats for the panel immediately after - The Two Hollies: Norman Lovett and Hattie Hayridge introducing the episode of Red Dwarf where they played Holly and Hilly.

Needless to say, that was my personal weekend highlight, but there were some other stonkingly good things on. For the second year in a row, I've noticed that SFX has so much interesting stuff on that we actually go to panels... several in a row!

I think it was unanimously decreed on the interwebs that Paul Cornell hosting Just a Minute was excellent - and Sarah Pinborough was really funny. Sylvester McCoy was erudite and entertaining, as was Colin Baker. I couldn't get near the Void when Brian Blessed was on, so I went to the pub instead... and I missed Eve Myles who I hear was lovely.

The girls on sticks this year seemed to be lacking the universal all-round talent of last year's troupe and felt they had to make up for this by not adjusting themselves when their leotards (at N's eye level -slap!) had gone up their cracks (Finger and thumb, girls!). I mean, if you were on stilts wearing just your pants and wanted to take a closer look at the Judge Dredd covers, wouldn't you get the stall holder to pass you them or would you bend over at the waist?

...and if anyone thinks I'm jealous, look, I've been 21 and all that. If you wanted to see that much of me back then, it would have taken at least 3 Blastaways... and I always stopped at 2. And a half. And another half. So nuh.

Best thing of all though was the chance to see all my friends and make a couple more. I miss those guys... promises have been made to see each other more often!

Oh and the rapturous joy of everyone dressed in fancy dress for the Saturday night party. Josie Long is definitely right about that. Kim went as Bladerunner's Priss; Paul and Sam went as The Joker and Harlequin; Gareth L Powell donned an Adamantesque facial stripe and Del got lots of compliments for dressing as himself. N went as Uncle Nobby, which confused the two drunk Welsh lads near the shop who were trying to serenade everyone who passed with the appropriate theme tune. If we go next year I'm going dressed as something. Hopefully something sexy that I can get away with in my slightly pudgy years. Jabba the Slut?

Last week was another We are Most Amused at which our mate Mark West's mate Johnny Fields made his comedy debut, and we had some really funny fellas on - including Ben Goddard and Chris le Mottee, who I met at Laughing Horse. Ben not only looks a bit like Simon Pegg, but also turns out to be a brilliant illustrator with a penchant for comic drawing. I cannot confirm whether he has ever drawn a mutant bear with a massive claw, though. Good stuff as always from Birthday Ben Briggs, and from Leon Clifford and Dave Tomlinson.

Then on Saturday, I slammed in Bilston. Did a poem about Top Gear. Lots of great comments, but no place in the semis. All crash, no burn. Another top drawer night arranged by Marcus Moore and Sarah-Jane Arbury of Spiel, Emma Purshouse and the Imperial Banqueting Suite. It gets better and better.

There was a contingent from Manchester down: Kieren King, Dave Viney, Dominic Berry and Rod Tame, and they were all excellent. They made the semis along with Fergus McGonigal, who won the last slam I went to (also a Spiel) and Lorna Meehan. The probability was that one of the lovely Manc lads, who were all sitting on our table, was going to take the prize. Lorna and Kieren went head to head, but Kieren pipped her to the top prize.

On Behind the Arras, Gary Longden has questioned whether there may be unconscious sexism creeping in to the scoring, there. To be honest, I really don't think so. Kieren and Lorna were both equally brilliant, and there was hardly anything between them points-wise. The Manc lads are committed, seasoned performance poets with very strong writing and a supportive and mutual creative ethic to just go out there and do stuff which clearly pays off... as individuals with a roughly equal number of men to women, the maths would be more arguable, but as a group, the probability bore out in their favour, backed up by material that was fresh and original. Inspirational you might say.

It was a bit weird for me, all in all... this time last year, my mom was with me. Going to Bilston and her not being there was more than odd. A few times during the evening I had to bat away a tear or two. Ah well... it would only have been frustrating if I'd won after this time just when she wasn't there to see.