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Cher once sang, "If I could turn back time." I presume some kind of supposition followed. Who knows...? She can expose her clunge with an ill-fitting basque whilst riding a cannon on a battleship for all I care, I still wouldn't bother with the rest of the lyrics.

But how bitterly that song resonates with me now... if only I could turn back time. I might whisper some advice into the ear of my younger self - younger by just three months. Ah, look at that young lady: so full of hope; so full of dreams... the lines bite not so deep into her brow. See her lift a glass of fermented apple juice and laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha. She knows not of the way of sorrows...

Can't go into the whys and wherefores, but let's just say I was planning the most amazing wedding of all amazingness. But rather than having an elephant give me away (okay, walk down the aisle) in Sri Lanka, I'm probably going to have to ask a local tramp here. Or my dad. He practically lives in a bivvy, so that's as good as. Yes, it transpires there's a hole in the bucket (or keep-net).

But we must do what we do and soldier on... and I have had plenty to distract me. At the weekend I attended a follow up session to the 48 Hour Book Project. That's going really well and we are on track to finish that in May. Next week, the 48 Hour writers are invited to attend a session on social media, though I think it was safe to say we managed a preliminary debate about expectations, idea ownership, remuneration and copyright protection last weekend.

N had already got us tickets to Alan Moore's reading in the Fishmarket. As part of the John Clare festival, Tyranny of Grammer (sic), Alan was reading from Voice of the Fire. That was fantastic! Plus the Fishmarket was full of friends, some of whom had travelled quite some distance to attend the event. I suggested to Judith Allnat she should come, and she did. She is a bit of a John Clare specialist ahving written a novel from the perspective of The Poet's Wife. All good stuff.

Then on Sunday, I took advantage of mega-cheap tickets to get to Birmingham to go on Aaron Twitchen's show on Rhubarb Radio with desk-driver Dave and Harriet Dyer to boot. I meant to plug the BSFA Awards, but it was such a fun chat, I clean forgot to mention Paul Cornell is hosting.

I've had other creative distractions too as I realise I'm going to have to pull my socks up to make any money at the scribbling business - as I now need to try to do.

I thought I might also share my frugal tips n'tricks with you as I discover them on the Sri-Lankan Diversion, so here are today's:

1. London Midland are doing half price train tickets from now until May... handy for Eastercon! They might not be running many trains, but at least you can get frustrated for less - like in a bargain Tantric brothel!

2. Pasties! Not just for covering up the bits of burlesque dancers - they're also a pie-based snack traditionally made in Cornwall. And you can make your own non-pasty pasty using up whatever you've got in your fridge. I put leeks, carrot, parsnips and swede in mine.

3. Flapjacks. Normally pretty good, especially when it's too warm for porridge, but mine were minging today. My tip - don't skimp on the treacle and butter. I've wasted my oats!

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Neil and Donna Bond

February 2021

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